I love reading those internet forums about “things I’m too old for.” The respondents typically range in age from their 30’s through their 60’s, and they remind us that change is normal.
They make us feel better about the things we are no longer willing or able to do. We see that everyone’s preferences change over time, and that’s OK. In fact, rather than a sign of loss or limitation, declaring the “things I’m too old for” might be a sign of growth.
What Are You Too Old For?
Huffpost is a good source for these kinds of discussions because their mission is to “put people at the heart of every story” and “cover real stories about real life.”
In a September 2015 article listing “8 Things I am Too Old For,” the 52-year-old author reflects on the things that have made her unhappy in the first half of life. She vows that, in this next half, she is going to stop living for others and criticizing herself.
She is going to stop worrying about how she looks and hiding her guilty pleasures, like binge-watching TV shows that others would disapprove of. In fact, she says, “I no longer have any guilty pleasures. I just have regular pleasures.”
And she’s definitely going to stop wearing uncomfortable shoes.
More recently, HuffPost reported the results of a survey on Reddit asking people “what are you simply getting too old for?” Respondents named a multitude of physical discomforts. They are no longer willing to camp on the ground, sit on the floor, wait in line, attend concerts without assigned seating, pull an all-nighter, or endure a hangover (“Older Adults Reveal the Things They’re Simply ‘Getting Too Old’ to Deal with Anymore,” 2023).
One woman summed up her change in attitude this way: “Give me a pillow and some leg room. A bench in the shower and a fluffy towel. Give me quality over quantity and I will gladly pay extra for an upgrade.”
Others mentioned social and emotional discomforts. They are no longer willing to associate with toxic people or accept lack of respect from others. And they won’t engage in conflict. Actor Keanu Reeves, 59, in an interview on getting older, reportedly refuses to argue about anything anymore: “2 + 2 is 5? You are correct. Have a nice day.”
In short, what we are “too old for” comes down to energy. We realize on a personal level the truth of Einstein’s words about the universe: “Everything is energy and that is all there is to it.”
Most of our interactions in the world – and with ourselves – are energy draining. Over time, it dawns on us that we have a limited supply of this precious resource. Like an aging battery, we begin to lose our charge faster, and we don’t always come back at full strength.
This is why gerontologist H.R. Moody defines aging as “diminishing reserve capacity.”
So besides being reassuring and entertaining, the forums on “what are you too old for?” serve another purpose. They encourage us to live more intentionally and to keep this question in mind as we move ever faster through the years:
Given its dwindling supply, on what are you willing to spend your precious life force?
What Am I Too Old For?
For most of my adult life, I have kept a journal. I have a stack of them in the closet, each reflecting a different period in my life. Mostly, I wrote about the worries I was trying to “work through.” These included career and relationship problems, financial troubles, body issues, and what I didn’t like about myself (quiet, shy, socially awkward, passive, conflict-avoidant, increasingly over-weight, and lackadaisical about exercising).
When I retired, I went to the trouble of packing all these journals and hauling them cross country. I thought that one day I might read through them and write something profound about what I have learned during my life.
However, as I approach the age of 70, I find I have little interest in the words I wrote 20 or 30 years ago. It makes me tired just to read them. So much self-doubt and confusion! I’m too old for this.
What I see now is a person who was consumed by her thoughts. She believed the negative, critical voice in her head. She thought she was the voice in her head.
We Are Not Our Thoughts
Those early journals clarify a central truth. In the words of spiritual teacher Eckart Tolle, the only way to find peace is to stop identifying with “mind energy” and to start identifying with “being energy.”
The energy of the mind (or ego) is all about self-preservation in a world it perceives as hostile: “the mind resists, fights for control, uses, manipulates, attacks, tries to grasp and possess, and so on.” In the process, it expends a create deal of energy and creates drama, pain, dis-ease, and disharmony.
Tolle invites us to observe the workings of our mind and then go beyond it to “reconnect with the deeper reality of Being” (or spirit). Being energy involves “surrender, nonjudgment, [and] an openness that allows life to be instead of resisting it. . .”
The mind expects, demands, and controls. Being accepts and allows. “Whereas mind energy is hard and rigid, being energy is soft and yielding and yet infinitely more powerful than mind.”
Throughout our lives, most of us live in the grip of mind energy, which is constantly draining our reserves. This is why life feels so stressful and exhausting.
Tapping Into Being Energy
Recently a friend gave me a beautiful new journal as a Christmas gift. I see it as an opportunity to begin a more energy-wise form of personal writing in the year 2024. More to the point, I’m going to try and write from the source of Being energy, because that is how I want to use my precious life force going forward.
Rather than a form of therapy, this journal will be a spiritual practice. Much of my writing will be spontaneous and driven by intuition, but I know there are a few topics that, for me, will generate the good feeling and inspired reflection
I am aiming for:
–exercises and meditations that focus my attention on the present moment
–gratitude lists
–things that make me laugh
–ways to think about old age as a state of grace
–things I now accept (and even like) about myself that used to make me feel bad
–descriptions of the things I care most about these days (starting with my cats)
–daily annoyances that can be reframed as opportunities for growth and deeper awareness
–everyday miracles that occur around me (spontaneous expressions of love, such as kind words and thoughtful deeds)
One positive thing about this journal is that I won’t feel embarrassed if someone should find it and read it. More important, though. is how I feel in the process of writing in it.
All I want to do is find peace – and to have the energy and ability to share it with others. It may be the only thing I have to offer in my later years, but it’s enough.
Written by: Ruth Ray Karpen
Ruth Ray Karpen is a retired English professor who now works as a freelance researcher and writer. She has published many books and articles on aging and old age, life story writing, and retirement. She also volunteers for a local animal shelter. In our series on Heart and Soul, she explores how later life, including the end of life, offers unique opportunities for emotional and spiritual growth.
On behalf of Smart Strategies for Successful Living, our sincerest appreciation goes to Ruth Ray Karpen for her contribution to the heart and soul of living and aging.