What do you think of when you hear the word “introvert”? Your answer will probably depend on whether you yourself are an introvert and where you live in the world.
American society is dominated by extroverts, who often think of introverts as shy, overly sensitive, too serious, passive, and lacking in initiative. Asian cultures, where introverts are more predominant, often think of extroverted Americans as loud, overly talkative, insensitive, impatient, and pushy.
But a growing movement – a “quiet revolution” – has evolved to educate the American public about the qualities of introverts, who make up about a third of the population, and their many contributions to society.
When I learned about a new holiday to raise awareness called World Introvert Day, which is January 2, it motivated me to think about my own place in society. What does an introvert like me, retired and living a quiet, anonymous life in suburbia, have to offer the world?
The Introverts Among Us
Author Susan Cain provides insight in her best-selling book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking (2012).
Although there are many definitions of introverts and extroverts, today’s psychologists agree on this: the two differ in the level of outside stimulation they need to function well. Introverts prefer the inner life of the mind, while extroverts prefer the outer world and the company of others.
Of course, humans are complex, and there are types and levels of introversion and extroversion. Most people are a combination of the two. Psychologist Carl Jung, who developed his theory of introvert and extrovert personalities in the 1920’s, noted that “there is no such thing as a pure extrovert or a pure introvert. Such a man would be in the lunatic asylum.”
Jung was exaggerating for effect, but according to the informal self-assessment in Susan Cain’s book, I am close to being a pure introvert. Every one of the 16 traits listed (enjoys solitude, prefers writing over speaking, feels drained after being in groups, etc.) fits me to a tee.
Yet for 34 years, I had a successful career as an English professor, during which time I received two outstanding teaching awards and gave many talks to audiences of strangers in the United States and abroad.
Cain has an explanation for that. When introverts are deeply invested in something, they can do things that don’t come naturally. Cain calls this the “rubber band theory” of personality. Although much of our temperament is determined by our genes, brains, and nervous systems, we do have some control over how we think and behave. “We are like rubber bands at rest. We are elastic and can stretch ourselves, but only so much.”
Author and introvert Jessica Pan, influenced by Cain’s research, wrote a humorous book about her efforts to stretch herself (Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come: One Introvert’s Year of Saying Yes, 2019). Pan experimented with “extroverting” — doing things she typically feared and avoided, such as talking to strangers, going to parties and networking events, and making new friends. Then she upped the ante and did things that terrified her, like telling a story about herself on stage and doing stand-up comedy.
When she began this experiment, Pan was lonely and unhappy. She was in her 30’s, she had lost her job, her handful of close friends had dispersed to other parts of the globe, and she was living far away from family.
In her year of saying yes, although she didn’t completely overcome her fears, Pan began to feel much better about herself. She discovered that she loved learning about other people and making connections. Pan explains the outcome of her experiment this way: “I know plenty of happy introverts who don’t want to change, and I respect them. But, for me, having the ability to morph, to change, to try on free traits, to expand or contract at will, offers me an incredible feeling of freedom and a source of hope.”
The Aging Introvert
Cain and Pan have benefitted society by shining a positive light on introverts. Many other introverts have become famous through their work in the world: Frederic Chopin, Charles Darwin, Abraham Lincoln, Eleanor Roosevelt, Anne Frank, Albert Einstein, Dr. Seuss, Steven Spielberg, Meryl Streep, and Barack Obama, to name a few.
But what does an ordinary introvert like me have to offer? Especially one who is retired from the world of work?
Susan Cain, who is now 55, has begun to think about this herself. In a recent blog post, she notes that, as we age, introverts move into a phase of life that we are temperamentally better suited for – one that is more contemplative and melancholy. People no longer consider us strange when we spend time thinking about serious subjects, like death and the meaning of life, and it is more socially acceptable for us to live a quiet life (“The REAL reason to enjoy growing older – whether you’re 25, 55 or 85,” 2023).
Cain’s definition of “the quiet life” especially appeals to me. It is a life “oriented to the unseen, the unspoken, the eternal, and the beautiful.” Retirement offers introverts the time to explore such things in depth.
Everyone Matters
I also take inspiration from another book written about introverts, Michiko Aoyama’s charming novel What you are Looking for is in the library, translated from Japanese (2020). Chapters explore the inner lives of conflicted characters in different life stages who are looking for meaning and direction. The final chapter focuses on 65-year-old Masao, who has recently retired.
When Ms. Komachi, the wise and mysterious reference librarian asks Masao, “What are you looking for?” he says, “It has been my experience that, for a company man like myself, retiring from work is the same as retiring from society. . .. The remainder of my life feels meaningless.”
The librarian invites him to question his thinking by offering an analogy: If you had a box of twelve delicious cookies and ate ten, would you refer to the other two as “the remainder”? Aren’t the last cookies just as good as the first?
She then gives Masao a list of things to read, including a book of poetry. Through his reading and observations, Masao comes to realize that “every day is equal in value and no different from the others. The day I was born, today as I stand here now, and the many tomorrows to come.”
Another character, the doorman at Masao’s apartment building, teaches him that retirees contribute to society just by going about their daily rounds.
Any time we come in contact with another person, even a random encounter on the street, it matters in the larger scheme of things. Through small points of connection, things happen, and forces are set into play that often affect many other people’s lives and reverberate well into the future. We are usually oblivious to these effects, but they happen, nonetheless.
Thanks to these authors, I have answered my question. As a retiree, I can play a significant role in society and remain the happy introvert that I am. All I have to do is show up and be myself.
I think I can handle that.
Written by: Ruth Ray Karpen
Ruth Ray Karpen is a retired English professor who now works as a freelance researcher and writer. She has published many books and articles on aging and old age, life story writing, and retirement. She also volunteers for a local animal shelter. In our series on Heart and Soul, she explores how later life, including the end of life, offers unique opportunities for emotional and spiritual growth.
On behalf of Smart Strategies for Successful Living, our sincerest appreciation goes to Ruth Ray Karpen for her contribution to the heart and soul of living and aging.
