Webster defines an advocate as a person who pleads another’s cause, or speaks or writes in support of something. An advocate argues for, recommends, or supports a cause or policy. Advocacy is also about helping people find their voice.
Self-advocacy means you are able to tell people your thoughts and feelings, what you want and need, and then act on your own behalf. It is finding your own voice.
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As a small boy I loved the month of August. The reason was simple: school was out and the county fair was in town. I loved the fair, and as a nine year old my favorite attraction was the House of Mirrors.
The purpose of the House of Mirrors was to provide distorted images for humor and confusion. Once in the house it was hard to get out. The warped mirrors brought emotions of excitement and challenge. The maze was a challenge in that there were many dead ends in the house. The House of Mirrors is where I remember laughing with a touch of fear.
I didn’t know it at the time but the House of Mirrors raises the question: What is real and what is illusion? How do I advocate for myself when I experience contradictions and different views of myself? What is “truth” and what is just a warped mirror presenting a false perspective? There are times I have advocated for a dearly held truth that I later discover was a lie. Hard to give up the newly discovered lie.
When we are honest with ourselves we must confess that we do not try very hard to understand what clashes with our deepest convictions. Sometimes the truth comes knocking on the door and we say, “Go away truth, I’m not looking for you!” And so the truth goes away and we remain content to advocate for ourselves by looking at a warped mirror. This reality has become especially vivid in our society where undocumented misinformation floods the social media.
In Greek mythology Narcissus is captured by his physical beauty and unable to love anyone but himself. One day he discovers a reflecting pool of water that serves as a mirror. Narcissus stares at his own reflection in the pool and is so taken by his beauty that he will not move from admiring himself. He is approached by nymphs but rejects them and only advocates for himself. In one version of the myth, Narcissus stares transfixed refusing to take a drink from the pool in fear that the rippling water would distort his beautiful image. He eventually withers away and dies of thirst.
From the myth comes the term narcissism or a fixation with oneself. It is a condition marked by grandiosity, excessive need for attention and admiration, and an inability to empathize with others. There is a danger in self-advocacy of becoming totally self-absorbed, not caring about anyone else. Self-focus can be overdone to a point where it destroys rather than enhances our ability to advocate for ourselves.
Advocating for ourselves challenges us to humbly recognize the cracks in our own lives. The paradox of needing to end destructive relationships and the importance of others to us are both essential to self-advocacy. It is in caring that we best advocate for ourselves and mend our brokenness.
The Japanese have a wonderful tradition dating back to the 15th century that finds beauty in brokenness. It is an art form that symbolically advocates for the individual with all his/her imperfections.
The tradition is called Kintsugi, literally meaning ‘Golden Joinery.” It is the art of repairing broken pottery by gluing the broken pieces together with lacquer mixed with powered gold, silver, or platinum. There is new and enhanced beauty found in the mended pottery.
Kintsugi is also a philosophy teaching us to live humbly and celebrate imperfections. The art tells us we can always begin anew despite the past mistakes and failures. Accepting imperfections is ironically a key to self- advocacy in that it helps us break free from the obsession with perfection that causes unnecessary stress and inhibits creativity.
Just as Kintsugi transforms the broken ceramic by mending the irregular lines into unique expressions of beauty, mending our cracks leads to a deeper sense of peace and fulfilment that is the goal of self-advocacy. Kintsugi reveals that what individuals have inside of them is the chief element in living full and happy lives.
The philosophy of Kintsugi is the art of filling in the broken heart with renewed hope/love/courage to make it whole again. There is glory and beauty to be found in our flaws. It is a path to restored mental and physical health, bringing with it newness of life. It is self-advocacy at its best.
“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”
Leonard Cohen (1934-2016), Canadian songwriter
There are distortions in the House of Mirrors, folly in demanding perfection from ourselves, and wholeness in mending a broken vase. Hidden in the symbolic images of warped mirrors and broken pottery is the path to advocating for ourselves. Sharing who we are with those we trust is self-advocacy. The self-advocate does not quit searching for truth, does not look away, but embraces the cracks and distortions in him or her and society while working to mend them. Self-advocacy lives with honesty, hope, and love through all life’s ups and downs.
(Confession: From time to time I still look, laugh, and quake as I look in a warped mirror. What is real can be illusive.)
Written by: Hartzell Cobbs
Hartzell Cobbs is the retired CEO of Mountain States Group (now Jannus, Inc.), a diverse nonprofit human service organization. He is the author of the recent book, RavenWind, that is available through outlets such as Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Archway Publishing. His first book, Thanatos and the Sage: A Spiritual Approach to Aging, is available through Amazon.
More about Dr. Cobbs’ latest book, Ravenwind…
From ancient lore, down millenniums, traveling through worldwide mythologies, legends, and folktales, the mythical raven is entwined in the history of mankind. Most researchers agree that about twenty thousand years ago the first Americans came from Siberia across the Bering Land Bridge to what is now North America. The Siberians and their shamans were accompanied by the mythical raven who mediated between the physical and spiritual worlds.
With the Siberian influence, Northwest Native American mythology speaks of the raven as creator, destroyer, and trickster. As in Siberia, raven soars on the wind between the great spirit/mystery and the physical world. Raven teaches respect for earth and the oneness of all that is.
In RavenWind, author Hartzell Cobbs offers at look at the raven’s role in world history and in Native American myths, legends, and folktales. He tells how the raven of folklore calls one to follow, to listen, and experience life with all its complexity, insight, ambiguity, contraction, and humor. With an emphasis on Native American tradition, Cobbs explores the presence of mythical raven in the mundane.