“Smile! Don’t be so serious.” My mother used to say this to me all the time, and she had a point.
I was a sober kid who read a lot and kept to myself. Summer would find me lounging on the couch in front of the fan with a pile of library books.
As I have grown older, I have come to accept and even appreciate my serious nature. Author Susan Cain details the upsides of this personality trait in her book Quiet (2013). She notes that introverts are often serious, as well as sensitive. Through our quiet observations, we help bring calm to a frenetic world.
However, being serious does not rule out being joyful, which the world also desperately needs. Adults of every age could benefit from a more playful, joy-filled approach to life.
The Joyful Spirit
Recently, grateful.org, a website founded by Brother David Steindl-Rast, author, scholar, and Benedictine monk, published an article by Sheryl Chard on “play as a way of being” (2024). The article kicks off a five-day workshop this summer on “reclaiming play.”
What does play have to do with gratitude? According to Chard, “the core principles of grateful living — joy, belonging, imperfection, awe, and hope — can all be cultivated through play. . . [I]t’s only when we play that we truly celebrate the gift of being alive, here and now, in this current embodied form.”
For adults, play can become a spiritual practice if it creates joy and a feeling of connection.
Two Nobel Peace Prize Laureates wrote a book on this aspect of spirituality. In The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World (2016), the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu reflect on the nature of true joy and the obstacles to living joyfully.
Lasting joy comes from feeling and acting upon our connection to all living things on earth. “We are fragile creatures,” says Demond Tutu, “and it is from this weakness, not despite it, that we discover the possibility of true joy.”
Says the Dalai Lama, “Joy is the reward, really, of seeking to give joy to others. When you show compassion, when you show caring, when you show love to others, do things for others, in a wonderful way you have a deep joy that you cannot get in any other way.”
Lessons from a Kid
Short of registering for a workshop with the Grateful Living organization, how can adults find the inspiration – and the energy – to approach life more playfully and find joy?
I always look to the experts on such matters, and in this case, the experts are kids. They are playful by nature, their play brings them endless joy, and the whole process is effortless – and fun!
Take, for example, my husband’s grandsons, Jim, 4, and Will, 6, whom we visited recently. The only way to engage with kids this age is to play with them. So here is a snapshot of our time together.
First, we sat down at the table and played with blocks — but not the blocks of my childhood. These were 21st century blocks designed by MindWare to prepare children for STEM education (science, technology, engineering and math). Following a geometric pattern on a card, you can create standing 3D structures – towers, pyramids, and abstract designs — that seem to “defy gravity.”
I haven’t done an activity like this in years, and I could practically feel the right side of my brain expanding. I wanted to make every design in the box. Some were harder than others, and Will made that into a game, too (“Let’s see who can build the hardest one the fastest! “) as well as an opportunity for bragging rights (“I’m going to win, because I’m good at this!”)
While building these structures, the kids drank juice from colorful rubber cups, and we listened to vinyl records (Roger Miller, Burl Ives) that grandpa had brought to play on a record player his son had recently found at a thrift store and hooked up to surround sound. Wow, those corny old songs sounded terrific! It was a full-sensory experience.
When we’d finished all the block patterns, Will pulled out a puzzle of a jungle scene. We put it together, and then he challenged me to locate specific animals in the puzzle.
Meanwhile, the dog grabbed a block off the floor and ran out the dog door. Jim followed her outside, his mom yelling, “Drop it! Drop it!” He quickly forgot about the dog and started playing with trucks in the sandbox. Then he jumped on the trampoline.
Then he came inside and put on his bathrobe (it was a dinosaur robe). He started jumping on the trampoline with his brother, now in character as a Stegosaurus.
Having drank all that juice and seeing that the adults were occupied in the house, both boys jumped off the trampoline, pulled down their pants, and watered the lawn.
What is Play?
Play is not only an activity but a mindset, says Sheryl Chard. When we play, we invite spontaneity, relinquish certainty, and tap our imagination. Play makes us feel alive and fully present. And it has no timeline and no purpose other than the pleasure of play itself.
MindWare says that playing with their blocks, designed for ages five and up, calls on spatial intelligence, matching abilities, fine motor skills, and problem-solving. In addition, they note that the blocks are “a perfect stress reliever for the busy adult.”
All of this is absolutely true. I felt alert, happy and relaxed when I was playing. I also enjoyed watching the kids make up and play other games in their unique ways. It made me want to be more playful in my own life.
Play List
So, I went home and made a list of fun things I want to do this summer. They are small things, but I know that every single one will bring joy to this 69-year-old woman.
The list includes a breakfast picnic in the park with my husband and a day trip to a ghost town in Idaho. Solo activities include riding my bike, playing with as many shelter kittens as possible, creating a playlist of happy songs for walking and doing chores, and getting a magnetic poetry kit and writing a poem each week for the refrigerator. Other activities celebrate the season: growing tomatoes, picking berries and freezing some for winter, eating a (real) ice cream cone outside, and keeping a summer gratitude journal.
The list encourages me not to take these summer days for granted. And it reminds me that, even though I’m a serious person, I can also be a joyful person in my quiet way.
I agree with the Unitarian-Universalist minister who said, “The version of God I’d like to believe exists is the one that built in a sense of fun to complement the suite of troubles that being alive throws our way” (“Are There Spiritual Benefits to Playfulness?” 2017).
And, at my age, the words of George Bernard Shaw are worth always keeping in mind: “We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.”
We should probably visit the grandkids more often.
Written by: Ruth Ray Karpen
Ruth Ray Karpen is a retired English professor who now works as a freelance researcher and writer. She has published many books and articles on aging and old age, life story writing, and retirement. She also volunteers for a local animal shelter. In our series on Heart and Soul, she explores how later life, including the end of life, offers unique opportunities for emotional and spiritual growth.
On behalf of Smart Strategies for Successful Living, our sincerest appreciation goes to Ruth Ray Karpen for her contribution to the heart and soul of living and aging.
