An issue of The Spokesman Review published a letter from “Louise A,” an 81-year-old woman seeking advice from columnist Annie Lane. She was doing everything possible to age “successfully”: she exercised five times a week, pursued hobbies, kept up with friends and belonged to a supportive church community. Yet she was frustrated by the many losses she had experienced. She and her husband were physically unable to pursue the activities they once enjoyed, and family members no longer invited them to events and outings. She also felt they did not appreciate the cards and photos she sent or the calls she made in an effort to stay connected. She concludes her letter with a question: “How do I make myself accept the fact that I am old?”
In response, Annie suggests that Louise tell her family that she needs more support and quality time and that she give herself time to grieve her losses. This is sound advice from a social and psychological standpoint. But spiritually, both Louise and Annie miss the point of aging.
In fact, gerontologists have found that spirituality is one of the key factors in aging well. A team of researchers, led by Martha Crowther from the University of Alabama, drew on decades of research to conclude that there is a strong association between spirituality and a reduction in disease in later life, as well as less anxiety and depression, greater optimism, and even a longer life (Crowther et al., “Rowe and Kahn’s Model of Successful Aging Revisited,” 2002).
What is spirituality? Following the work of Harold Koenig, Director of the Center for Spirituality, Theology and Health at Duke University, Crowther and colleagues define spirituality as “the personal quest for understanding answers to ultimate questions about life, about meaning, and about relationship to the sacred or transcendent.” Spirituality may or may not be associated with religion, but to be health-promoting, it must be positive, say Crowther et al. “Positive spirituality involves a developing and internalized personal relation with the sacred or transcendent that . . . promotes the wellness and welfare of self and others.”
Positive spirituality, say these researchers, is the fourth factor in aging well, in addition to avoiding disease and disability, maintaining physical and mental functioning for as long as possible, and engaging in social and productive activities. It helps older adults like Louise cope with difficult life changes and limitations and provides an enduring sense of meaning and purpose.
Other researchers have made an even stronger case for spirituality. Back in the 1960’s, psychologist Robert Peck argued that human beings have a specific psycho-spiritual task that is unique to later life: we must learn to transcend our attachments to bodies and the material world (“Psychological Developments in the Second Half of Life,” 1968). Such transcendence includes three phases, Peck said: ego differentiation over work-role preoccupation; body transcendence over body preoccupation; and ego transcendence over ego preoccupation.
The first phase often occurs around the time of retirement, when we begin to wonder, “Who am I now?” The more our identity and self-esteem have been tied to work, the more difficult the transition to retirement. Ego differentiation refers to the development of new ways of thinking and being that go beyond the roles and identities we developed in the work place.
The second phase begins when we realize that our bodies are changing with age. We are weaker, slower, and less quick to recover from exertion, injury or illness. Edmund Sherman notes, “For those who have placed primary value on physical health, activity and sensual pleasure, physical decline represents a grave insult to their sense of self and well-being” (The Autobiographical Consciousness of Aging, 2000). When we see our bodies decline, we can become more narcissistic and pessimistic, or we can learn to find value in other aspects of being human.
The third phase comes as we contemplate the demise of the person we consider our “self” and come to accept death. While this is the ultimate spiritual task at the end of life, Sherman notes that earlier in life “some degree of ego transcendence can also be achieved by living generously and unselfishly so as to leave contributions to the culture that will last beyond one’s personal death – through children, friendships, charitable actions, and so on.”
How would these scholars answer Louise’s question? They would advise her to move beyond the physical and social concerns and take up the spiritual tasks of aging.
Written by: Ruth Ray Karpen
Ruth Ray Karpen is a retired English professor who now works as a freelance researcher and writer. She has published many books and articles on aging and old age, life story writing, and retirement. She also volunteers her time at a local hospice and animal shelter. In our series on Heart and Soul, she explores how later life, including the end of life, offers unique opportunities for emotional and spiritual growth.